Stepping Out Onto The Bright Side
When I was first told that I was a positive person a couple of months ago, I couldn’t quite believe it. You see, I had all along had low self-esteem as a teenager and had a very pessimistic view about everything. My rationale was that if I imagined myself in a worst-case scenario and the situation didn’t turn out that badly, I’d be relieved. Or if the situation did turn out that badly, at least I was mentally prepared for it. When I was faced with challenges, I just didn’t know how to look at the bright side.
So when my marriage failed about more than a year ago, my whole world crumbled. I lost faith in men, friends, work, religion and life. Thankfully, I was sensible enough not to have ended it all then. Or rather, I wasn’t too excited by the limited options I had to end my life quickly, painlessly and un-gruesomely. So I went on with my life like a corpse while my friends continued to show off their loving and doting husbands, happy families and fat wallets. I wondered if my so-called ‘friends’ could even begin to comprehend what I was going through. Hmm… maybe they were trying to help bring out my killer instincts?
Fortunately before a massacre began, I signed myself up for a weekend retreat of soul-searching. In other words, I had a makeover of my soul. Okay, before you think that I’m going to get all preachy here, you’re wrong. I’d probably put myself to sleep first before I even start.
Of course I didn’t simply turn into an optimist over a weekend, but I gradually saw the benefits of thinking and acting positively over the following few weeks.
“Researchers interviewed more than 300 healthy people three times a week for two weeks to assess their emotional states. Then they exposed them to the germ that causes the common cold. The study found that people with a positive attitude were less likely to catch colds than those who were depressed, nervous or angry. The study also found that uptight or sad people are more likely to complain of cold symptoms, even when they don't have a cold.” - July 2003 issue of Psychosomatic Medicine, researched by Sheldon Cohen, PhD, William J. Doyle, PhD, Ronald B. Turner, MD, Cuneyt M. Alper, MD and David P. Skoner, MD. http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/65/4/652
So I first decided to garner the courage to bury the hatchet with some friends I fell out with. That’s right… until I went for that workshop, I was a really bad girl and had a personal vendetta to create enemies among my own circle of friends. So when I got that sorted out and was high on the forgiveness adrenalin, looking at the bright side of things didn’t seem all that hard after all. After letting go of my grudges, I went on to rationally analyse what prompted the chain of depressing events. I had to get to my core, my element, and find out what made me tick and flip (not at the same time of course, or I’d also be a loon).
As soon as I know what gets me up and where my limits are, I surrounded myself with positivity and avoided negative friends or anything negative for a while, like sad songs or depressing news articles, because a happy person is a positive person.
Did I say ‘negative friends’? Yes I did. Bluntly phrased, they are toxic or poison pals who probably come in these 7 wonderful flavours:
1. The Vampire – Sucks the life out of you
2. The Underminer – Crushes what little confidence you already have
3. The Shrink – The self-proclaimed know-it-all
4. The Downer – Consistently depressed
5. The Bean Spiller – Can’t keep any secrets
6. The Social Director – Mr/ Ms Popular
7. The Attention Addict – Me me me!
More information can be found in http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/you/life/articles/0,,284489_289447-1,00.html.
Many people may fail to see how these negative friends can have a hindrance to becoming a more positive individual because friends are already somewhat important to us. Who would admit that their friends are unconsciously hurting them?
“According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People (Simon and Schuster), toxic friends are people whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy make them jealous, envious and uncaring, so they end up sabotaging your projects, your relationships, your happiness-even your car journey!"
- http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/Site/toxic_relationships.htm
A really good example would be this friend of mine who’s a combination of the Vampire, Underminer and Attention Addict. She’d come to me wailing about her personal insecurities. I had to then spend the next few hours pumping up her confidence by telling her how fortunate and beautiful she is. When she had finally sucked me off my last drop of saliva and breath and she felt like a Greek goddess, and all I wanted to do was to just chill, she’d start bringing up the areas in my life that are not so happening. Friends can be so amusing, aren’t they?
So as I was saying, positive-thinking can start with the little things like catching myself while I’m enjoying a good television programme, a heavenly chocolate cake or a cheeky laughter with a friend, and thinking, Hey! I’m happy right now! This is the first step towards counting my blessings.
The next step to convincing myself that I am happy would be to eliminate negative words from my ‘positive dictionary’. So instead of saying, “I’ve had a rotten day because my stinking boss just threw me this messy project that could give me a 6-month-long migraine”, the positive alternative would be, “I’ve had an interesting day because my boss, who might need a deodorant, just handed me this challenging project that might just be the thing to help me get a pay raise if I did a good job”. From “you look like a walking traffic light” to “Interesting colour combination. I think the yellow accentuates your skin colour. Maybe you should where that colour more often.”; from “Your hair stylist doesn’t like you very much, does he?” to “I think you’ll look great in a few weeks’ time when your hair grows longer.” Get the gist?
So when I acted out positively, the people around me would instinctively respond positively too. And soon, I was even able to fend off negativity as it comes. I just needed to know how much of it I could bear. Before I knew it, I was oozing of positivity (when I don’t get PMS that is) even from my ass! But that’s not to say that I never waver. When I do, I’ll just keep telling myself that there’s an end to all bad things, and I look forward to that end.
So when my marriage failed about more than a year ago, my whole world crumbled. I lost faith in men, friends, work, religion and life. Thankfully, I was sensible enough not to have ended it all then. Or rather, I wasn’t too excited by the limited options I had to end my life quickly, painlessly and un-gruesomely. So I went on with my life like a corpse while my friends continued to show off their loving and doting husbands, happy families and fat wallets. I wondered if my so-called ‘friends’ could even begin to comprehend what I was going through. Hmm… maybe they were trying to help bring out my killer instincts?
Fortunately before a massacre began, I signed myself up for a weekend retreat of soul-searching. In other words, I had a makeover of my soul. Okay, before you think that I’m going to get all preachy here, you’re wrong. I’d probably put myself to sleep first before I even start.
Of course I didn’t simply turn into an optimist over a weekend, but I gradually saw the benefits of thinking and acting positively over the following few weeks.
“Researchers interviewed more than 300 healthy people three times a week for two weeks to assess their emotional states. Then they exposed them to the germ that causes the common cold. The study found that people with a positive attitude were less likely to catch colds than those who were depressed, nervous or angry. The study also found that uptight or sad people are more likely to complain of cold symptoms, even when they don't have a cold.” - July 2003 issue of Psychosomatic Medicine, researched by Sheldon Cohen, PhD, William J. Doyle, PhD, Ronald B. Turner, MD, Cuneyt M. Alper, MD and David P. Skoner, MD. http://www.psychosomaticmedicine.org/cgi/content/full/65/4/652
So I first decided to garner the courage to bury the hatchet with some friends I fell out with. That’s right… until I went for that workshop, I was a really bad girl and had a personal vendetta to create enemies among my own circle of friends. So when I got that sorted out and was high on the forgiveness adrenalin, looking at the bright side of things didn’t seem all that hard after all. After letting go of my grudges, I went on to rationally analyse what prompted the chain of depressing events. I had to get to my core, my element, and find out what made me tick and flip (not at the same time of course, or I’d also be a loon).
As soon as I know what gets me up and where my limits are, I surrounded myself with positivity and avoided negative friends or anything negative for a while, like sad songs or depressing news articles, because a happy person is a positive person.
Did I say ‘negative friends’? Yes I did. Bluntly phrased, they are toxic or poison pals who probably come in these 7 wonderful flavours:
1. The Vampire – Sucks the life out of you
2. The Underminer – Crushes what little confidence you already have
3. The Shrink – The self-proclaimed know-it-all
4. The Downer – Consistently depressed
5. The Bean Spiller – Can’t keep any secrets
6. The Social Director – Mr/ Ms Popular
7. The Attention Addict – Me me me!
More information can be found in http://magazines.ivillage.com/redbook/you/life/articles/0,,284489_289447-1,00.html.
Many people may fail to see how these negative friends can have a hindrance to becoming a more positive individual because friends are already somewhat important to us. Who would admit that their friends are unconsciously hurting them?
“According to psychologist, Dr. Lillian Glass, author of Toxic People (Simon and Schuster), toxic friends are people whose feelings of insecurity and inadequacy make them jealous, envious and uncaring, so they end up sabotaging your projects, your relationships, your happiness-even your car journey!"
- http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/Site/toxic_relationships.htm
A really good example would be this friend of mine who’s a combination of the Vampire, Underminer and Attention Addict. She’d come to me wailing about her personal insecurities. I had to then spend the next few hours pumping up her confidence by telling her how fortunate and beautiful she is. When she had finally sucked me off my last drop of saliva and breath and she felt like a Greek goddess, and all I wanted to do was to just chill, she’d start bringing up the areas in my life that are not so happening. Friends can be so amusing, aren’t they?
So as I was saying, positive-thinking can start with the little things like catching myself while I’m enjoying a good television programme, a heavenly chocolate cake or a cheeky laughter with a friend, and thinking, Hey! I’m happy right now! This is the first step towards counting my blessings.
The next step to convincing myself that I am happy would be to eliminate negative words from my ‘positive dictionary’. So instead of saying, “I’ve had a rotten day because my stinking boss just threw me this messy project that could give me a 6-month-long migraine”, the positive alternative would be, “I’ve had an interesting day because my boss, who might need a deodorant, just handed me this challenging project that might just be the thing to help me get a pay raise if I did a good job”. From “you look like a walking traffic light” to “Interesting colour combination. I think the yellow accentuates your skin colour. Maybe you should where that colour more often.”; from “Your hair stylist doesn’t like you very much, does he?” to “I think you’ll look great in a few weeks’ time when your hair grows longer.” Get the gist?
So when I acted out positively, the people around me would instinctively respond positively too. And soon, I was even able to fend off negativity as it comes. I just needed to know how much of it I could bear. Before I knew it, I was oozing of positivity (when I don’t get PMS that is) even from my ass! But that’s not to say that I never waver. When I do, I’ll just keep telling myself that there’s an end to all bad things, and I look forward to that end.
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