The Reality of Tying the Knot
I had a misconception once about what I thought a marriage was supposed to be. It seemed like the 'normal' thing to do once we've come of age and attached to someone for a reasonable period of time. I thought that marriage was the end of the dating game and the start of another game called 'playing house'. My ex and I sure enjoyed 'playing house' during the first year of our marriage and it was a really blissful novelty of a life. When the novelty wore off, I realised what a mistake I had made. I only liked the idea of a marriage but I didn't exactly marry the man whom I loved. I married him simply because he was the man I was still attached to at the time when I fell in love with the concept of marriage.
So to cut a long story short, I later discovered that my ex had been cheating on me with many women. I wanted to give him a chance to save our marriage provided he gave up this philandering lifestyle of his but he refused. Well, at least one of us came into the marriage well aware of the life that was expected. My ex wanted a happy family with a string of women he could date at his whim and fancy.
I have also known of many couples who were almost forced into marriage due to their circumstances or pressure. Of course there were also the fairytale couples who got married simply because they loved each other. But whatever the reasons, most of us weren't quite expecting what marriage had in-stored for us.
I know of a couple who've been together for over a decade, but at the first trouble the wife was put through, the husband bailed, despite the wife standing by him through all his previous troubles.
Another husband I know is also having trouble in his marriage but still can't quite make up his mind on whether to file for the divorce or work on the marriage. So he chose to live in denial by not addressing the problem, while trying his hand in dating so that maybe finding someone else will motivate him to end his marriage.
I know all these examples are making the men look really immature, but I'm sure there are also women behaving in this same way. I just don't know of any within my circle of friends, so please forgive me because that is not my intention.
My intention, however, is to help people realise that a high level of respect and maturity is required for a successful marriage. A successful marriage isn't one without dysfunctions. A successful marriage could even be one which had suffered infidelity or abuse. But a successful marriage is definitely one where both spouses are mature enough to solve a problem together regardless of how difficult, painful or prolonged it is. It's just the same as when a problem arises in an organisation, we can never simply sweep it under the carpet and pretend that it never existed. But why is it that we're willing to resolve issues for an organisation which we might be bound to up till retirement but not resolve issues with our spouses whom we are bound to for the rest of our lives?
So for those who have an issue with committing to marriage for fear that you'll contribute to the statistics of the divorce rate, you simply need to love your partner enough to respect his/her effort to be with you. You might think that you're making a huge sacrifice by staying exclusive to one man/woman for the rest of your life. But in case you don't already know, so is your partner. Regardless of how fortunate or grateful you think your partner should be that you chose him/her, there will definitely be someone else out there who will appreciate him/her just as much. I guarantee it!
And once you understand that you're in this for the long haul, you'll also realise that for two people to be living together for the rest of their lives in harmony, communication is crucial because we must never assume that having been together long enough gives us telepathic abilities. There's never an issue which is too trivial to be trashed out because it's also the accumulation of many trivial issues that causes explosive outbursts in a relationship.
So in my opinion, two simple rules for a long-lasting marriage. Don't agree? I'll dare you to a debate to prove that it all boils down to two simple attributes. Try me.
So to cut a long story short, I later discovered that my ex had been cheating on me with many women. I wanted to give him a chance to save our marriage provided he gave up this philandering lifestyle of his but he refused. Well, at least one of us came into the marriage well aware of the life that was expected. My ex wanted a happy family with a string of women he could date at his whim and fancy.
I have also known of many couples who were almost forced into marriage due to their circumstances or pressure. Of course there were also the fairytale couples who got married simply because they loved each other. But whatever the reasons, most of us weren't quite expecting what marriage had in-stored for us.
I know of a couple who've been together for over a decade, but at the first trouble the wife was put through, the husband bailed, despite the wife standing by him through all his previous troubles.
Another husband I know is also having trouble in his marriage but still can't quite make up his mind on whether to file for the divorce or work on the marriage. So he chose to live in denial by not addressing the problem, while trying his hand in dating so that maybe finding someone else will motivate him to end his marriage.
I know all these examples are making the men look really immature, but I'm sure there are also women behaving in this same way. I just don't know of any within my circle of friends, so please forgive me because that is not my intention.
My intention, however, is to help people realise that a high level of respect and maturity is required for a successful marriage. A successful marriage isn't one without dysfunctions. A successful marriage could even be one which had suffered infidelity or abuse. But a successful marriage is definitely one where both spouses are mature enough to solve a problem together regardless of how difficult, painful or prolonged it is. It's just the same as when a problem arises in an organisation, we can never simply sweep it under the carpet and pretend that it never existed. But why is it that we're willing to resolve issues for an organisation which we might be bound to up till retirement but not resolve issues with our spouses whom we are bound to for the rest of our lives?
So for those who have an issue with committing to marriage for fear that you'll contribute to the statistics of the divorce rate, you simply need to love your partner enough to respect his/her effort to be with you. You might think that you're making a huge sacrifice by staying exclusive to one man/woman for the rest of your life. But in case you don't already know, so is your partner. Regardless of how fortunate or grateful you think your partner should be that you chose him/her, there will definitely be someone else out there who will appreciate him/her just as much. I guarantee it!
And once you understand that you're in this for the long haul, you'll also realise that for two people to be living together for the rest of their lives in harmony, communication is crucial because we must never assume that having been together long enough gives us telepathic abilities. There's never an issue which is too trivial to be trashed out because it's also the accumulation of many trivial issues that causes explosive outbursts in a relationship.
So in my opinion, two simple rules for a long-lasting marriage. Don't agree? I'll dare you to a debate to prove that it all boils down to two simple attributes. Try me.
posted by Devilsoup at
3:13 PM
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2 comments
