White Flag for Surrendered or Peace?

I remember as I was dating as a young adult, we would be considered lucky women if our boyfriends allowed us to dominate our relationships. If our men didn't listen to our instructions or heed our advice, it would mean that they didn't love us enough. This may be the norm in many new relationships with young couples, but as they matured, some couples might begin to realise their rightful positions in their households, while others still allowed the women to wear the pants in the marriage.

I finally succumbed to my temptation to write this entry when I’ve heard all too many times about the dissolution of numerous marriages due to irreconcilable differences like a previously ‘hen-pecked’ husband who refused to give in anymore, and a domineering wife who couldn’t stomach the loss of her ‘power’. Sometimes, even when the wife had come to the realisation that she had to let the man lead the marriage, the husband would have experienced the sweet taste of ‘freedom’ that the thought of having to go back to a once oppressed marriage would have been like asking a child to be friends again with a dog which had once bitten him.

I know that sounded like a rather harsh analogy, and the wives might probably feel insulted by this, especially when you consider that your relationship was built on love and after all the history you’ve accumulated together, surely your marriage would be able to withstand a mere temptation of a possible liberation, right?

Not quite.

So I’m suggesting that wives should submit to their husbands. Yes, you heard right. And yes, this is the year 2010.

I’m not trying to spark another drawn out debate on women’s rights and the oppression of women for centuries prior to the liberalisation of women. But just look around us. The divorce rate in the last two decades had been escalating incredibly. Our local men are marrying our regional Asian counterparts because they’re convinced that we’re too domineering while they are more submissive. Our local women are marrying Caucasian men because we believe they’re more sensitive, expressive and romantic. I have nothing against inter-racial or inter-national marriages by the way.

I know ‘submissive’ has been quite a taboo word especially in a developed country such as ours because being a submissive wife supposedly means that we have to serve our husbands like kings. So in a highly affluent society such as ours, where women are highly-educated, taking on high-ranking positions in the corporate world, most people (even the men) would think it’s impossible for such women to be submissive.
Firstly, let’s define what being submissive in today’s context is not. Being submissive doesn’t mean that wives don’t have an opinion of their own. It doesn’t mean they have to comply with every whim and fancy of their husbands. And it certainly doesn’t mean that wives are to take over all the household chores.

It’s about accepting the fact and setting the expectation that the husband should take the lead. Regardless of whether the wives may really be smarter, more intellectual or more intuitive than their husbands, wives should simply leave their high-powered job roles at the foot of their doors and come home to be the women their husbands fell in love with. Despite a wife’s best intentions to improve her man, she should leave the nagging, criticisms and dominance to the other woman: his mother.

You’ll be surprised that when you give your man the respect he needs (not deserves), he’ll love you more for it. And when he starts becoming more affectionate to you again, you’ll fall in love with him all over again.

Here’s an excerpt from the book “The Surrendered Wife - A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace With a Man” by Laura Doyle:

"In marriage, as in ballroom dancing, one must lead and the other must follow. This is not to say that both roles are not equally important. It is rare that I find a woman who can resist 'backleading.'
"I did everything he did," Ginger Rogers once said about Fred Astaire. "And I did it backwards, and in high heels." Although Fred and Ginger were equally skilled and talented dancers, if they had both tried to lead (or follow), they would have been pulling each other in opposite directions. Quite simply, they would not be in sync, but rather would be tripping over each other and eventually pulling apart. Instead, Ginger let Fred lead her, trusting that he was making her look good and keeping her from harm. Instead of Fred diminishing her, Ginger allowed him to be the foil - the partner - for her talent.”